Monday, May 01, 2006

Coach Josh Indicted for Attempted Murder, Andrew gets blessing

Over the weekend, Coach Josh was charged with attempted murder. He has been indicted.

Critics say this is not meaningful. A highly-motivated Attorney General hell bent on election could indict a ham sandwich.

Nevertheless, the charge of attempted murder may stick to Coach Josh, as he tried to kill me, and my left knee, with a Gear Restriction workout.

The idea is to throw the chain up on the big ring in the front and the small ring in the back. Then he has you pedal at a slow, interminable cadence of 55 rpms.

This is like doing leg presses for a long, long time.

It makes my left knee feel like someone has been banging on it with a hammer. I have informed Coach Josh that I shan’t be doing GR workouts again.

Naturally, he has prescribed more GR workouts this week. I believe that if I am to finish the Tour, I must first get to the start. There will be no starting if we continue with the GRs.

I would rather spin longer than I currently am.

If I struggle up the mountains, so be it, but I won’t even get to the flats if my knee is shot.

Coach Josh has also informed me that cycling in general makes you stupid. You focus on your ride. You focus on your recovery. After that, you have no more energy left to focus on much of anything.

Could be some truth to that, or perhaps, as the Colbert Report would say, some “truthiness.”

When Armstrong was considering a run for Governor, an enterprising reporter attempted to locate Armstrong’s voting record.

He hadn’t voted for anyone, or anything, in over a decade. Was he a slacker?

No. He was too damn tired.

This morning, we offer an important blessing to Linda’s employer Andrew. He has recently received an offer on his boat, and he is considering buying a new one.

Andrew, you have my blessing. Sailing makes you happy. You are a great sailor in general, and a spectacular starter in particular.

I’ve seen Andrew take a 43 footer down a starting line, and with 30 seconds left on the clock, tack into a hole no bigger than a boatwidth, and hit the line with speed and motivation.

Andrew, buy the boat. The hell with the consequences.

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