a first in fashion
Sister Emily was to be wed in the Hamptons. All was well until Linda Berkeley got wind that her dogs were not welcome anywhere near any of the parties. As Mrs. Berkeley does not travel without her dogs, we decided to make a day trip out of it.
Loaded up the 'burban with five Labrador retrievers, and set off to face the grimmest of traffic. We were shocked that the traffic was not bad at all, and we were in Southhampton plenty early. Set up camp under a shady tree in a parking lot and aired, fed, and hung out with dogs. After awhile, it was time to get ready for the wedding, so we drove over to the Southhampton comfort station to change into formal attire.
The poor cousins from Hull don't mind changing in a comfort station so all was well. Until I made a startling discovery. I had no pants.
As I stood on the sidewalk, in tuxedo shirt, tuxedo jacket, black tie, and khaki shorts, I thought to myself, this is not good. Sister Emily is marrying into the Wenner family, of Rolling Stone fame, and half tux half shorts isn't going to get the job done.
With no time left to shop, Mrs. Berkeley said, well, you can wear my pants. As there was not an abundance of options, I peeled my khaki shorts where I stood and slid into a pair of off white PURECOLOR w31 hip hugger trousers.
To be a man in women's pants is a strange feeling indeed. The fly is rather short, the front pockets are purely decorative, as you couldn't fit a razor blade in them, and the back pockets have decorative squiggles on them. The ankles of the trousers reach a sharp taper, which was almost snug around my massive ankles. The belt that came with the loaner trousers was far more satisfying, a Lucchesse, Genuine Lizard, Made in USA with sterling silver buckle, tip and two keepers. When it comes to belts, Mrs. Berkeley does not accept anything but the best.
So after I dressed myself in her pants, Mrs. Berkeley took a step back, reviewed my outfit and exclaimed, "Oh my God, you look like a gay guy!"
Well, if there was ever a wedding to wear women's trousers to, this was the one. The cool people were wearing all manner of outfits, some which looked like they were designed by the late Dr. Seuss and I blended right in. Matter of fact, my brother, who was wearing a formal tuxedo was downright angry that I got to sport such a funky look.
The event itself was epic. Emily was beautiful and her new husband Alex looked thrilled. As you would suspect, the band was excellent. Then Peter Wolfe of J. Geils aired out an inspired rendition of Love Stinks. One of the Wenner boys played some great guitar. Tom Wolfe danced in his white suit.
By 11:30 we were pretty tired. We headed back to the suburban to air our dogs. The security guard took one look at me and said, "Hey, how many dogs do you have in that thing?" With great masculinity, the man in women's pants replied, "Five."
Loaded up the 'burban with five Labrador retrievers, and set off to face the grimmest of traffic. We were shocked that the traffic was not bad at all, and we were in Southhampton plenty early. Set up camp under a shady tree in a parking lot and aired, fed, and hung out with dogs. After awhile, it was time to get ready for the wedding, so we drove over to the Southhampton comfort station to change into formal attire.
The poor cousins from Hull don't mind changing in a comfort station so all was well. Until I made a startling discovery. I had no pants.
As I stood on the sidewalk, in tuxedo shirt, tuxedo jacket, black tie, and khaki shorts, I thought to myself, this is not good. Sister Emily is marrying into the Wenner family, of Rolling Stone fame, and half tux half shorts isn't going to get the job done.
With no time left to shop, Mrs. Berkeley said, well, you can wear my pants. As there was not an abundance of options, I peeled my khaki shorts where I stood and slid into a pair of off white PURECOLOR w31 hip hugger trousers.
To be a man in women's pants is a strange feeling indeed. The fly is rather short, the front pockets are purely decorative, as you couldn't fit a razor blade in them, and the back pockets have decorative squiggles on them. The ankles of the trousers reach a sharp taper, which was almost snug around my massive ankles. The belt that came with the loaner trousers was far more satisfying, a Lucchesse, Genuine Lizard, Made in USA with sterling silver buckle, tip and two keepers. When it comes to belts, Mrs. Berkeley does not accept anything but the best.
So after I dressed myself in her pants, Mrs. Berkeley took a step back, reviewed my outfit and exclaimed, "Oh my God, you look like a gay guy!"
Well, if there was ever a wedding to wear women's trousers to, this was the one. The cool people were wearing all manner of outfits, some which looked like they were designed by the late Dr. Seuss and I blended right in. Matter of fact, my brother, who was wearing a formal tuxedo was downright angry that I got to sport such a funky look.
The event itself was epic. Emily was beautiful and her new husband Alex looked thrilled. As you would suspect, the band was excellent. Then Peter Wolfe of J. Geils aired out an inspired rendition of Love Stinks. One of the Wenner boys played some great guitar. Tom Wolfe danced in his white suit.
By 11:30 we were pretty tired. We headed back to the suburban to air our dogs. The security guard took one look at me and said, "Hey, how many dogs do you have in that thing?" With great masculinity, the man in women's pants replied, "Five."
posted by joe berkeley at 6:25 AM
1 Comments:
Joe,...You looked "stunnink" (Jewish mother comment) in Linda's pants...I only hope that you didn't breach "wedding etiquette" by "upstaging the Bride" with your appearance.....
All the Best,....Tom
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