ACK-SHON
When I check into the Gansevoort Hotel in Manhattan, I know the sort of gym that is waitng for me in the basement; small, windowless, under-equipped.
A chat with the concierge yields the following information. There is a real gym, New York Sports Club, that is just 10 blocks away. And a guest may visit there for $25 per day. There is a generous spin-class schedule, and other amenties.
It all sounds good. Then I do a little bit of research. My first google search yields the following REVIEW:
"Like all gyms in a gayborhood, the likelihood that you will encounter man-on-man ACK-SHON in the sauna, streamroom, showers, bathroom stalls, out in the open in the locker room, in the exercise studios or wherever is a solid 125%. And you can't blame just the cock-lovin' homosexualists, there are PLENTY of married, straight guys who go cruising for BJs (argument over whether or not they are really straight is too boring to begin here). Furthermore, even a gym OUTSIDE the gayborhood will have men trying to find other men to get off with in the locker rooms. It's just the way it goes. It's tough, but it's real. With that said, there are two/three ways to review this location: 1. as a gym, 2. as a gay cruising spot (with or without the potential engage in sexual "activity" while on the premises), and 3. the current significance it has in my life as site for which I have met interesting people (and NOT for sex!) 1. As a gym, it's just okay. If you don't like the idea of being below ground, this isn't the spot for you. I know people who hate the idea of working out where there are no windows, that you are in a basement. But I don't get it. Why does that matter unless you suffer from seasonal disorder or are so remarkably hideous that you should definitely stay underground while you perfect your body to compensate for your "God-given" assface? This location has current equipment, but could use some upgrades on some of their cardio machines (which is on the ground floor), or at least a good grease job on some of the joints. Others are plain out rusting and just need to find themselves at a recycling center. Speaking of being eco-friendly. I like their personal tv sets that only activate when your headphones are plugged in and then turn off when you pull out the headphones too. No TV just on for nothing. Saving electricity and the earth! This location has some nice classes, particularly Gerald's abs class and jump rope jam. Their yoga instructors aren't bad, but not as good as some of their previous instructors. Spin classes, full body conditioning classes, other yoga style classes, this location has these classes and more, but nothing as interesting as the Capoeira Workout, belly dancing, or African dance at other locations. And frankly, it's the f act that NYSC has sooo many locations that it makes the place such a deal esp. if you factor in convenience. I just wish they would revise their corporate color scheme that is at every club: this blue and yellow combination that looks so so so sad. Just sad. 2. I'm willing to bet that this location is one of the most productive in terms of connecting people to get their freaks on (or off) with each other. Having both a sauna and a steam room makes actually going to the bathhouse sort of "old school" considering you how easily one could just go inside the steam room and find a Mr. Now. Feeling down and out? Feeling blue from the fact you just turned 25 years old and are now a gay old maid and thus want to kill yourself? You could easily roll down here and get some validation by someone who is just marginally attractive and tell you what you want to hear about how you are so hot, blah blah blah, and should sleep with me. If I were a depressed alcoholic looking for validation or someone to just think you're good enough to fuck, this this the place for you!!! 3. At this very location I met someone who changed my life in a couple of ways, but most significantly in my career. We went an entire year of seeing each other at the gym before actually ever exchanging anything more than a nod of the head. And when we finally did speak to each other, and then almost four years later, person and I have had one amazingly complicated/simple (if you know what I mean) relationships/friendships in my recent history if not my entire life. Also, I met someone who is still so interesting to me, not just because of his utter physical beauty, but because he lives such a carefree existence that is really difficult to find in someone who lives in Manhattan/New York in general. These two people helped inspired some of my favorite pieces of writing and art and I can't totally hate the very location that made our meeting possible. I know it sounds sentimentally LAME AS ALL FUCK, but I'm kind of that kind of guy. All in all, it's a decent gym. It isn't a dump, nor a cum dump despite its reputation. There is certainly plenty of eye candy at all times during the day and night but if you're truly there to just work out, it's a neighborhood gym that serves its function without making you want to shoot yourself in the face, which is a feat in and of itself.
A chat with the concierge yields the following information. There is a real gym, New York Sports Club, that is just 10 blocks away. And a guest may visit there for $25 per day. There is a generous spin-class schedule, and other amenties.
It all sounds good. Then I do a little bit of research. My first google search yields the following REVIEW:
"Like all gyms in a gayborhood, the likelihood that you will encounter man-on-man ACK-SHON in the sauna, streamroom, showers, bathroom stalls, out in the open in the locker room, in the exercise studios or wherever is a solid 125%. And you can't blame just the cock-lovin' homosexualists, there are PLENTY of married, straight guys who go cruising for BJs (argument over whether or not they are really straight is too boring to begin here). Furthermore, even a gym OUTSIDE the gayborhood will have men trying to find other men to get off with in the locker rooms. It's just the way it goes. It's tough, but it's real. With that said, there are two/three ways to review this location: 1. as a gym, 2. as a gay cruising spot (with or without the potential engage in sexual "activity" while on the premises), and 3. the current significance it has in my life as site for which I have met interesting people (and NOT for sex!) 1. As a gym, it's just okay. If you don't like the idea of being below ground, this isn't the spot for you. I know people who hate the idea of working out where there are no windows, that you are in a basement. But I don't get it. Why does that matter unless you suffer from seasonal disorder or are so remarkably hideous that you should definitely stay underground while you perfect your body to compensate for your "God-given" assface? This location has current equipment, but could use some upgrades on some of their cardio machines (which is on the ground floor), or at least a good grease job on some of the joints. Others are plain out rusting and just need to find themselves at a recycling center. Speaking of being eco-friendly. I like their personal tv sets that only activate when your headphones are plugged in and then turn off when you pull out the headphones too. No TV just on for nothing. Saving electricity and the earth! This location has some nice classes, particularly Gerald's abs class and jump rope jam. Their yoga instructors aren't bad, but not as good as some of their previous instructors. Spin classes, full body conditioning classes, other yoga style classes, this location has these classes and more, but nothing as interesting as the Capoeira Workout, belly dancing, or African dance at other locations. And frankly, it's the f act that NYSC has sooo many locations that it makes the place such a deal esp. if you factor in convenience. I just wish they would revise their corporate color scheme that is at every club: this blue and yellow combination that looks so so so sad. Just sad. 2. I'm willing to bet that this location is one of the most productive in terms of connecting people to get their freaks on (or off) with each other. Having both a sauna and a steam room makes actually going to the bathhouse sort of "old school" considering you how easily one could just go inside the steam room and find a Mr. Now. Feeling down and out? Feeling blue from the fact you just turned 25 years old and are now a gay old maid and thus want to kill yourself? You could easily roll down here and get some validation by someone who is just marginally attractive and tell you what you want to hear about how you are so hot, blah blah blah, and should sleep with me. If I were a depressed alcoholic looking for validation or someone to just think you're good enough to fuck, this this the place for you!!! 3. At this very location I met someone who changed my life in a couple of ways, but most significantly in my career. We went an entire year of seeing each other at the gym before actually ever exchanging anything more than a nod of the head. And when we finally did speak to each other, and then almost four years later, person and I have had one amazingly complicated/simple (if you know what I mean) relationships/friendships in my recent history if not my entire life. Also, I met someone who is still so interesting to me, not just because of his utter physical beauty, but because he lives such a carefree existence that is really difficult to find in someone who lives in Manhattan/New York in general. These two people helped inspired some of my favorite pieces of writing and art and I can't totally hate the very location that made our meeting possible. I know it sounds sentimentally LAME AS ALL FUCK, but I'm kind of that kind of guy. All in all, it's a decent gym. It isn't a dump, nor a cum dump despite its reputation. There is certainly plenty of eye candy at all times during the day and night but if you're truly there to just work out, it's a neighborhood gym that serves its function without making you want to shoot yourself in the face, which is a feat in and of itself.
posted by joe berkeley at 5:59 AM
2 Comments:
This comment has been removed by the author.
Close quote? I can neither find it nor ferret it out.
The REVIEW opens
"Like all gyms in a gayborhood,
but at what point does your voice take over from the reviewer's?
I'm new here, came over from UHub. Your stuff is thoughtful and well spoken. And wry; I like wry.
Cheers
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