bachelor becomes furniture shopper, egad
For reasons that need no explanation, I was bereft of furniture. After several months of sitting on the floor, I decided to improve my lot in life.
Down the path that many other bachelors had trod, I trudged. From one yard sale to the next, snapping up great treasures and beautiful things.
Well, one rug had a hole in it. Another was a mysterious shade of black. A chair wasn't quite the right shade of blue, but it fit my ass just fine.
Then, I reached the pinnacle of challenges. The sofa.
Men at work informed me that the concept of a used sofa was not a good one. Who knew where the thing had been, or what sort of shenanigans had taken place on it. So after reviewing handsome, affordable, and beautiful sofas on craigslist, I set forth to shop for something new.
As an uneducated fool, I made it my business to learn the merits of a hardwood frame and all the rest. Then I set off on a ten-store marathon. I visited Jordans, Crate & Barrel, macy's (twice), Boston Interiors, jennifer convertibles, Ikea and a great many more.
After store number nine, I was ready to go back to Jordan's and get the God-forsaken Boston Red Sox recliner with the logo, cup holder, and foot rest. But good taste prevailed and I resisted the charms of that timeless design.
When hope was all but lost, I stepped foot into Boston Interiors and applied my ample buttocks to sweet Giselle. She's a long, lean thing, with removable legs so she'd fit up the stairs. And as many women have said on more than one occasion, "it was on sale!"
Sweet Giselle the sofa had a chair bearing the same name. And even an ottoman. I passed on the ottoman because my feet don't require special attention.
Then it was time to negotiate delivery. Usually, a Saturday delivery date is available in the year 2025. With money in one hand, and calendar in the other, I reached an agreement with a cagey saleswoman who was certainly on commission. She was super friendly. Until she processed the card then the sparkle left her eyes as she combed the floor for the next victim.
Fellow bachelor Pete Hixson is thinking about buying furniture, but he just hasn't gotten around to it. He's still camping as he renovates his house, one room at a time.
He's probably better off than I am. The yard sales in California have to be better than the yard sales in Hull.
I hope you are well and all of your furniture, silver, and china is shining about you.
Down the path that many other bachelors had trod, I trudged. From one yard sale to the next, snapping up great treasures and beautiful things.
Well, one rug had a hole in it. Another was a mysterious shade of black. A chair wasn't quite the right shade of blue, but it fit my ass just fine.
Then, I reached the pinnacle of challenges. The sofa.
Men at work informed me that the concept of a used sofa was not a good one. Who knew where the thing had been, or what sort of shenanigans had taken place on it. So after reviewing handsome, affordable, and beautiful sofas on craigslist, I set forth to shop for something new.
As an uneducated fool, I made it my business to learn the merits of a hardwood frame and all the rest. Then I set off on a ten-store marathon. I visited Jordans, Crate & Barrel, macy's (twice), Boston Interiors, jennifer convertibles, Ikea and a great many more.
After store number nine, I was ready to go back to Jordan's and get the God-forsaken Boston Red Sox recliner with the logo, cup holder, and foot rest. But good taste prevailed and I resisted the charms of that timeless design.
When hope was all but lost, I stepped foot into Boston Interiors and applied my ample buttocks to sweet Giselle. She's a long, lean thing, with removable legs so she'd fit up the stairs. And as many women have said on more than one occasion, "it was on sale!"
Sweet Giselle the sofa had a chair bearing the same name. And even an ottoman. I passed on the ottoman because my feet don't require special attention.
Then it was time to negotiate delivery. Usually, a Saturday delivery date is available in the year 2025. With money in one hand, and calendar in the other, I reached an agreement with a cagey saleswoman who was certainly on commission. She was super friendly. Until she processed the card then the sparkle left her eyes as she combed the floor for the next victim.
Fellow bachelor Pete Hixson is thinking about buying furniture, but he just hasn't gotten around to it. He's still camping as he renovates his house, one room at a time.
He's probably better off than I am. The yard sales in California have to be better than the yard sales in Hull.
I hope you are well and all of your furniture, silver, and china is shining about you.
posted by joe berkeley at 6:07 AM
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