Bryan Sweeney now classified as female

Bryan Sweeney is beaming. The charismatic head of production is skipping up and down the hallways at his new, all-time, low weight of 149 pounds. This makes him officially a chick. He has agreed with the diagnosis.

Amidst cyclists, there is a certain status in weighing as little as possible. At 149 pounds, Mr. Sweeney can climb like the angels. He's light on the pedals and he can spin all day long. When riding up a mountain, he can drop anyone his age and half the 20 -year-old kids who should throw the gauntlet down in front of his bicycle.

The currency of lightness does not impress baseball players. Mr. Sweeney's brethren, he who plays for the San Francisco Giants and is known as an all-around good guy as well as an all-around team player, took one look at the small collection of sinewy muscle and bird-like bones and said, "You look like you need a good steak."

Perhaps I'm just a bitter has-been never was, glory days jerk. For the past month, I've been shopping at the Big and Tall Store as I am now a massive man, double wide with double stuff straining the scale at an epic 180 pounds of brick moving, home improving power.

Worse yet, my clothing appears to be from the Studio 54 lost and found.