Why I can't be in production, continued.

All my life, I've wanted to be in broadcast production. Everyone's beautiful. Everyone travels to remote locations and lives high on the hog. Here I am with head of broadcast production, Bryan Sweeney. He says the reason I can't be in broadcast production is I am an ugly bastard in general, and don't have the winsome smile that is necessary for the trade. See Sweeney's smile? It's sincere. It means, "Hey, I love you babe!" Sweeney says my smile says, "Hey, open a free checking account and get a toaster!" I'm working on my production smile, but I may never make the cut. I've also been told that if I get calf implants, hair plugs, new teeth, eye surgery, a tummy tuck, and rhinoplasty I might, one day, make the cut. But then again, you never know. How can Sweeney be such a cruel human being during the holidays? This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.